#there's some serious trauma to unpack with them in my works

[tiredgayloser]

j2's dynamic in my fics when they're not being silly

[1d1195]

Buttercup

~7.8k words

From me: I love a knight in shining armor moment. Grumpy sunshine, black cat and golden retriever kind of vibe. There are definitely some details missing on purpose here. Best of luck. Hope you like it 💕 Sorry for the delay in posting. What a week.

Warnings: dick ex-bf - cheating, emotional trauma, threatening. Angry Harry, neighbor Harry, some mentions of sex, a good bit of angst, and some fluff.

Summary: Harry's new neighbor is fun to prank. She just wants to tend to her garden and enjoy her chocolate in peace.

But it's... comforting to know Harry is right next door.

The boys that lived next door weren’t too loud, weren’t super messy, and they were easy on the eyes.

But that was the furthest she could compliment them.

Well, Louis was really lovely overall. He had a girlfriend that came by frequently (almost daily) and appeared to keep him in check. But there was no one to keep Harry in check. He walked around his yard in his boxers, got the mail in them even, and both greeted his sexual partner(s) then sent her on her way off his property the following morning in nothing but boxers as well.

All with a smug smile in her direction while he wore nothing but underwear and the ink etched on his unbelievably smooth skin.

Stupid hot people.

Regardless of what he was doing, he was always sure to irritate her if she was outside. “Hi Buttercup,” he cooed like they were old friends while she worked in her garden. It was clearly her favorite part of the house. It desperately needed a new coat of paint, and she didn’t care in the slightest. The flowers were more important, and she did a good job. Clearing the flowerbeds happened before all her boxes were officially inside her house.

She thought about the day she arrived.

When she moved in, she took a deep breath, pulled her hair into a ponytail and tugged it through the back of a baseball cap. One by one, she pulled a box out of her car and brought it inside. A storage pod was dropped in the driveway as well and then she began the same process after taking a short break while she looked at what she needed to do first. She leaned against her car and felt anxiety and a serious case of being overwhelmed start to fill her chest. She took deep breaths hoping the sugar she ingested would help ease her worried mind.

“Hey, neighbor!” She turned to the voice where a guy with brown hair and blue eyes smiled brightly at her. “I’m Louis, welcome to our neighborhood. It’s nice to meet you. Need help?”

She shook her head quickly. Almost defensive as she aimed to protect herself. “No, I’m alright, thank you.”

Louis glanced at her storage pod and tilted his head at her curiously. It was a lot to unpack on her own.

Metaphorically and literally.

“You’re sure?” He asked. “My roommate saw you from the window. Thought you were... well, not struggling... But it’s a lot to move for anyone. He’s changing, he’ll be right out to help too,” he explained and rubbed the back of his head. “My girlfriend was on the phone and overheard Harry, and she insisted as well.”

She thought that he was nice. A friendly neighbor if there ever was one. But the wall of anxiety she put up and the nerve she was feigning to keep up was battling something fierce. “Right,” she cleared her throat. She would need an ally. There was no one in this new town for her and Louis seemed nice.

Levi seemed nice too... she thought.

Shaking her head she tried to rid herself of the negative outlook. Louis wasn’t Levi. “That... that’s really nice. Thank you. If you’re sure.”

Louis’ best friend and roommate Harry soon joined them. Introduced himself and she sincerely thought they were just two nice guys who would be decent neighbors.

The second they dropped the first load of her stuff safely inside Harry began his pranks. “Is this box labeled underwear up for grabs?”

There was no box labeled underwear. She knew that. But it still made her cheeks burn with embarrassment even though Louis rolled his eyes as if was used to it. Which she supposed he was. “Christ, Harry,” Louis sighed and pinched between his eyes. “I’m sorry, love. We don’t let him out of the house much.”

She looked at him with an eye roll. He was cute. She would give him that.

Well, hot.

Enticing green eyes, sinewy muscles, and a smile so bright it could put the sun to shame. He knew he was hot. There was no way he didn’t. But she wasn’t going to let him get to her.

“Where are y’moving from?” Harry asked.

“Uh...” she shook her head trying to remember what lie she was supposed to say. But then went with most of the truth. “Just upstate, a few hours away. I got a new job and whatnot.”

“New modeling job?”

“Boo...” Louis droned, grumbling as he moved boxes labeled kitchen into the correct room. “If you’re going to embarrass yourself, you could use better material.”

“This is m’best material, Lou,” he scowled at his friend. Her cheeks were still burning at his shameless flirting.

“I know he’s obnoxious, but he’s harmless,” Louis rolled his eyes.

“Excuse you, Louis. M’not obnoxious.”

“The shit you say,” he shook his head.

“I jus’ think you’re gorgeous,” his eyelashes did all the flirting for him when his words stopped.

But whether Harry was flirting or not, she didn’t want to flirt with her neighbor. Didn’t want to have a boyfriend. Certainly not one with all the charisma he had around her.

Even if he was flirty and charming.

And hot.

There was no denying how hot Harry was.

So she would have to be careful.

*

“Looking good, Buttercup.”

She glared at the tulip bulbs she was planting in front of her door for the spring. She adjusted the planters of mums placed on the porch steps. A variety of gold, orange, brown and red. Perfect for fall and the idyllic picture for a magazine cover. There were pumpkins on the side of the bottom step greeting anyone at her home with the pretty festive colors. A cute scarecrow was staked among fake corn stalks and hay beside the pumpkins.

It was unseasonably warm for November but for the last two months, and even though Harry drove her crazy, she wanted to be outside enjoying the sunshine and fresh air while she could. She had listened to Harry’s flirting with her since the moment she moved in. He was blatant about it. But in the same timeframe, she watched him with women coming and going. Of course, it didn’t bother her one bit who he spent his time with; that was his choice, and he had no obligation to her or the women he took home as long as he wasn’t a complete douchebag to them.

But Harry always seemed to be there. He was there when she got her mail. There when she got home from work. There when she was going to work. It didn’t matter. Didn’t he have to work? “Are businesses too intelligent to hire you?”

“No?” He chuckled phrasing it as a question.

“Just assumed, since you’re never at work.”

He snorted. “Funny.” She continued tending to her flowers. “I work from home.”

Perfect. So he would continue to always be there. Some people had all the luck.

He wasn’t in his boxers for a change. An interesting change of pace. He was in a pair of plain jogging pants and a plain T-shirt, yet he was the one that looked like a model for Nike.

Men had it so easy being attractive. A pair of workout pants and a T-shirt that outlined his pectorals way too tightly was all it took to get her flustered.

He sat beside her and watched her work. “Y’should do our garden, next Buttercup. Looks so nice the way y’put everything together.”

She paused and stared at him. His eyes roamed her little planters and across the weedless yard. He smiled at her as his gaze returned to hers. “You’re making fun of me,” she scowled.

“Kitten,” he pressed a hand over his heart, looking affronted. “I would never make fun of you.”

She looked back at the dirt that was under her nails. She focused on the feeling of it rather than the feeling of dread she felt around Harry. He was so confident in himself and in everything he did. It was annoying. His stupid green eyes and his dumb smile. She couldn’t fall for it again. No matter how sincere he sounded.

“Y’look really pretty in y’garden,” his voice was gentle. Like he was worried she was going to throw something at him. She had considered it. Her trowel seemed like it could do some damage. But she was trying not to be completely ridiculous just because Harry was a pain.

And sickening.

And irritating.

And cute.

Fortunately, she had a list of things to remind herself of that he was a nuisance. Not to mention there were his pranks that made her crazy.

He sprayed her with the hose when she wasn’t looking. Sent mail to her house for porn addiction making the mailman look at her with a smirk before she screamed at Harry (which didn’t help the look the mailman was giving her). At the beginning of October, he put a Halloween mask outside her window to scare her when she woke up so terrifyingly that Louis and Eleanor rushed over in their pajamas. While nothing was irreparable or worth putting her into therapy, the jokes made her mad because Harry always made her mad. He was too good looking and too there all the time.

Instead, she continued weeding and planting. Making the previously bare flower beds green and brown with freshly overturned dirt. It was calming. Being in the garden, the yard. Dirt on her hands and the sun on her back.

“Cat got your tongue, Buttercup?” He joked.

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“The more y’ignore me, kitten, jus’ makes me want y’more.”

“I wouldn’t touch you with a ten-foot pole.”

“Ugh, will you marry me?”

“You’re so ridiculous, Harry.”

“God, y’drive me wild.”

She continued digging in the dirt. “If you’re going to sit there and be annoying, can you at least be useful and hand me the watering can?”

Harry silently grabbed the can and poured the water into the hole, watching her carefully. “I used t’garden with m’Mum.”

“You didn’t just spawn from the ground climbing out of hell?”

Harry chuckled quietly. “No, m’mum’s a saint,” he said with a smile. The fondness in his voice and reverence for her made her heart skip a beat. He was so annoying but that was undoubtedly beyond sweet. Even if it was Harry saying it.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to insult your mother.”

“Y’didn’t. I know what y’meant,” he chuckled. “Mum would like you,” he told her. Which absolutely terrified her because mothers often did. It made things more complicated. Like it had in the past.

“She would like me? I’m an absolute bitch to you, Harry.”

“Hey,” he frowned. “Don’t say that,” the sincerity in his voice continued making her throat catch on any rebuttal she wanted to say in return. The pucker of skin between his eyebrows made her want to reach out and smooth his skin. His frown made her sad too. Before she could push the feeling away, he spoke again. “You’re funny. Stubborn. Adorable. Mum would like that y’keep me grounded,” he complimented.

“Keeping you grounded is the nice way of saying bitchy.”

He sighed, irritation practically rolling off him in waves. That was new. “Seriously, kitten. Knock it off,” he shook his head disappointedly.

She blinked, surprised by the genuine tone. “You’re serious?”

“Jus’ because y’say it ‘bout yourself doesn’t make it better.”

For a whole minute she seriously thought about how easy it would be to fall for Harry. He was handsome, intelligent, kind, and funny. Even if he was obnoxious. Louis and Eleanor kept him around for a reason, right? For God’s sake he wouldn’t let her call herself a bitch. Who did that?! “Um... sorry?”

“Apology not accepted. You’ll have t’go on a date with me. S’the only way t’make it up t’me.”

She rolled her eyes and turned back to the bulbs she was planting. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Alright fine; I’ll jus’ have t’think of something else,” he sighed, pausing, like he was really thinking about how she could make it up to him.

Then he smeared a clod of cold, wet dirt across her cheek.

She spluttered trying to avoid dirt in her mouth and reached out to smack him. However, he was nearly giggling, practically running back to his house before she could register what really happened and retaliate. “See y’later, Buttercup!” He called.

*

One of Harry’s ongoing pranks involved slipping his phone number into her contacts early on when he met her. It happened shortly after she moved in, and it allowed him to send her memes and inappropriate messages (not the kind of unsolicited messages that only complete dicks sent to women who did not want them) but the ones that he found on the internet. Inappropriate jokes. Innuendos.

But he also texted her when he was heading to the grocery store to see if she needed anything. But in the time that they exchanged messages, she never started the conversations. It was always a Leave me alone Harry. No thank you. Can you stop staring out the window like a creep? If she needed something she asked Louis, which honestly upset him to a degree, but he understood. Harry came on strong when he met her. Not that he would change that, but it wasn’t unreasonable of her to feel standoffish to him.

God, was she beautiful. Harry loved seeing her in the yard. Made it a point to drop everything he was doing and go get a closer look. He was drawn to her. Moth to a flame. The whole bit. She was so funny, even when she was grumpy. He wasn’t joking when he told her that her ignoring him made him want her more.

She was a hard worker and left early in the morning and returned well into dinner time. While the weather was nice, she would sit on her porch and read or work tirelessly on her perfect garden. She was lovely. Harry could see it from afar and he was bummed she didn’t catch on to his shameless flirting the way he had hoped when he first saw her.

One of these days I’d like you to text me instead of Louis when you need something. Louis already has a girlfriend.

From the looks of it you have PLENTY of options for a girlfriend.

Jealous?

Of getting a disease? No. I’m good.

Your green thumb is spreading, Buttercup. It’s not your color.

You can ignore me all you want. Just think about it. It doesn’t have to be a thing. I just want you to know I’m happy to help you if you need it. Not just Louis.

Also, I’m clean in case you ever want to explore that side of things too 😉

Surprisingly, she ignored that message too.

*

Harry felt like he was going through withdrawals from her. He hadn’t even seen her in the yard. Between the rain and their work schedules, it was like he couldn’t get a glimpse of her pretty being tending to the weeds, reading her book, or anything. His joke asking her what she plays with at night that also vibrates went unanswered.

Maybe he should have stopped sending her inappropriate jokes, but the fact she hadn’t blocked him gave him the shred of hope he desperately wanted. Maybe if she had blocked him it would get through his head that she was out of his league, and she wasn’t interested.

I’m heading home to shower, change, and then I’ll come grab you. It was Niall though, and not her reply to his joke.

Harry put cologne on and settled in the living room quietly scrolling through his social media looking at the time stamp from his message, almost a whole day ago. Frowning, he returned to scrolling and waiting for Niall. Not thinking much of anything of merit as he did.

But then that little notification slid from the top of his phone making his heart bounce with excitement.

Harry, are you home?

Is it finally happening?! 😍

There was no response and Harry thought he ruined their moment. Even if he believed her when she said they would never sleep together, he was glad she was talking to him. He was worried his latest prank had gone too far.

Harry’s car was in the garage, and he had almost every light off since he was leaving soon, so it was a fair question since she couldn’t see the back of his house where he was hiding in his room.

I was kidding, Buttercup. I’m home. You could have just come over to ask though.

There was still no response, but he kept his phone in hand waiting and holding his breath. Hoping something would come through from her again.

Pick some flowers from my yard.

Come knock on the door like we’re supposed to be going on a date.

Please.

And hurry.

Please.

What?

...?

Kitten...what’s wrong?

He tried calling her immediately, but it went right to voicemail, like she had turned her phone off after sending her last message.

What the hell. Why aren’t you answering your phone?

This isn’t funny, Buttercup...

You’re making me nervous.

If this was a retaliation prank it went way too far. Way further than putting the mini popping firecrackers under her tires before she left for work. The very one that got her so mad, he thought she was going to call the cops finally. The one that made her ignore him for days on end despite the messages he sent.

But this wasn’t funny. Not even a little. Her safety and security weren’t things Harry liked to joke about because despite everything, he was possessive about her. And frankly, he adored her. Even if she wasn’t his to obsess over nor adore.

But he wasn’t going to ignore her any longer than he had to. He nearly sprinted out the door, swiping randomly at her pretty flowers and feeling horrible that he was pulling her precious plants after all the hard work she put into them. It seemed silly to spend time doing this, but he didn’t want to fuck up what she asked him to do. Not when her messages seemed so worrisome. Not when she didn’t answer. With a fresh bouquet in hand, he hurried to the front door. Fortunately, he was dressed for a night out. Niall would be on his way to pick him up; so, he was, in theory, date ready. But the thought of being with Niall and not home when she needed him terrified him further. Thank God he was home.

Harry had no idea what was on the other side of her door, but it was embarrassingly late in the moment that he realized there was a car in the driveway he hadn’t seen before. At once he realized she never had company. Which only made him even more anxious.

Swallowing, he knocked firmly.

The door flew open within ten seconds of his knock. The relief in her eyes made Harry feel sick. What was she so nervous about? What could make her that nervous, that seeing him made her at ease? She was constantly irritated by his presence. The moment only made him feel worse. “Harry, right on time,” she smiled sweetly. She was a good actress. If she hadn’t texted Harry so urgently, he wouldn’t be looking for signs of trouble, wouldn’t see the relief in her eyes, and he would have no idea that something was wrong.

“Hi kitten, don’t y’look beautiful,” he cooed leaning down to press a kiss to her cheekbone as if he had done it a thousand times before. Gratefully, he had imagined it about a thousand times, so it probably looked as natural as it felt. Plus, she was beautiful. Always. The acting came naturally to him as well. His arm wrapped around her waist in the same movement instinctively. His eyes fell to the man standing a few feet back watching her like a hawk. His gaze was territorial and possessive; Harry didn’t care for that at all. Even if she wasn’t Harry’s, she definitely wasn’t his either.

But Harry was possessive, and he was there because she asked him to be there. Something he got the feeling the other man did not have permission for. He knew he shouldn’t have felt possessive of her, but he would pretend all the same if it meant the worry in her eyes would go away.

He handed her the bouquet he plucked only moments before and threaded their fingers together; another movement that felt like he had done before and not for the very first time that second. “Let’s get a vase,” he suggested and kept his eyes on him. It wasn’t lost on him how easily her fingers fit between his, the way their palms touched, or how her grip tightened ever so slightly when she settled her grip in his. “Hey,” he nodded his head in greeting.

The guy ignored Harry. His eyes glaring at the pretty girl beside him. “You’re seriously telling me you’ve been dating this guy since the moment you moved in?”

Her cheeks burned red, and Harry kissed the top of her head tucking her toward his chest protectively. Harry didn’t care for it at all. If the anxiety in her texts, expressions, and body language wasn’t enough evidence, then the way she leaned further into his chest despite everything and how annoyed she was by him, certainly was. “M’Harry,” his voice was firm. Pointed. “And you are?”

He grunted, shook his head. “The fuck, babe?” He snapped. She didn’t respond, simply glanced up to meet Harry’s gaze. She blinked unsurely at Harry, unable to find her next move. Harry nudged her gently toward the kitchen.

“Do y’have a name or what?” Harry grumbled over his shoulder as he made a show of caressing her while she found a vase. Her hands were shaking slightly as she placed the vase in the sink. Fortunately, Harry saw it immediately and tugged the glass from her grip, pulling her hand back in his. Even if it was impractical and stupid looking while he placed the vase with one hand in her sink to finish what she was doing.

“Levi,” he snapped. “We apparently used to date.”

Harry felt her body deflate. He wondered why. Was it the prospect of dating this asshole? Was it the phrase used to? What happened before he got here?

“Well, Levi, glad we’re on the same page and you’re using the past tense. M’here t’take my girlfriend on a date,” he pressed his body around hers, bracketing her body against the sink. She kept her eyes down, away from Levi’s gaze. Her body felt so warm against his it made him wish this wasn’t for show. Instead, he bent down to kiss the crook of her neck and shoulder hoping she wouldn’t hate him later over it.

He was really into pretending. She squeezed his hands that were wrapped around hers against the edge of counter. Was that a thanks? Was that a sigh he imagined when he kissed her skin? God, she smelled good.

“M’not sure exactly what’s going on here, but m’getting a good sense that she doesn’t want y’here. So maybe s’a good time t’go before I have t’escort y’out of the house.”

He snorted and shook his head. He glared at Harry as he spoke, but her eyes were still cast down toward the sink. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re playing at, babe. You can try and fool me all you want. But I’m not stupid. I’ll come back when your boyfriend isn’t around,” he left the kitchen and slammed her front door shut as he exited. Harry breathed a sigh of relief. Begrudgingly, he left her by the sink and went to the front door, peering out the small window right next to the frame. He watched while Levi pulled out of her driveway and down the road. Harry stood and watched, waiting for the sound of his car to completely disappear before he felt he wasn’t coming back any time soon. Harry locked her deadbolt.

“Who was that—” He started as he turned back for the kitchen, but his heart practically broke at the sight of his stubborn, fearless, and utterly pretty neighbor teary eyed and shaken to the core. She left the kitchen near silently it seemed but stopped in the hall right before the entryway of the front door. He didn’t even hear her approach. “Hey,” he cooed coming closer. “Buttercup,” he frowned when she didn’t respond to her nickname. “Hey,” it was like he was approaching a wounded, wild animal. He didn’t want to scare her, but God did he want to protect her. God, did he want to hold her again. “Love, he’s gone. I—” He wanted to reach out for her and pull her into his embrace again, but something about her looked off. The anxiety written all over her face made him nervous and sad.

He zoned in on her hands; they were shaking by her sides worse than the way she held the vase. Her eyes were so fucking sad looking Harry wanted to scream. “Kitten,” he tried again. “Can I...?” He reached for her again. “M’not going to...” all his sentences were half finished as he tried to figure out why the fuck Levi scared her so badly. All he wanted was to comfort her. She was too sweet and pretty to look so terrified. When she never looked scared of anything. “Buttercup,” he murmured again.

She sniffled and swiped at her eyes. “I’m fine,” but her voice was barely audible over the sound of it getting caught around the emotion in her throat.

“Hey, s’okay t’not be okay. M’here,” he promised holding his hands out to her. “Can I touch you?” He asked. She shook her head quickly. It hurt like hell for her to say no. Harry thought he was seriously going to cry. “Okay, okay,” he stuffed his hands in his pockets because he didn’t trust himself not to try and comfort her and the last thing that he ever wanted to do was break her trust and consent. “Baby, you’re breaking my heart,” he pouted and watched as she was starting to shake like she was in the middle of a blizzard without a coat. “Come sit,” he begged. “Please.”

She obeyed and Harry went to her kitchen and found a glass in the cabinet as if this was his own house. He got water from the dispenser on her fridge, and he brought it to her. Her hands were still shaking violently, and her tears were flowing but not a sound other than a quiet sniffle left her. “Here, Buttercup,” he mumbled.

She sniveled and wiped her eyes as she took the cup from him. He avoided brushing her fingers with his and he paced in front of the coffee table. His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he caught sight of the time. “Fuck,” he muttered. Pressing the phone to his ear he glanced out the window. “Sorry Niall. Can’t come out,” he ran a hand on the back of his head. She perked up at his words.

“Harry,” she whispered.

“No... I don’t know.... I just need t’be here for her,” he mumbled.

“Harry, you don’t—”

He silenced her with a look while her words died in her throat with another little whimper. Being vulnerable was hard for her. Obviously. Harry wondered if she knew how difficult it was for him to watch her look so upset and scared and not comfort her. If he knew letting go of her in the kitchen meant he wouldn’t get to touch her again, he wouldn’t have let go to start.

He hung up without hearing Niall’s response and he put his phone in his back pocket.

“If you have plans—”

“I don’t,” he interrupted shaking his head quickly. “Jus’ a date with a pretty girl,” he sat across from her on the coffee table making sure that not even his knee bumped against her. His eyes were following her every breath. Every tiny movement and flinch. The nervousness he felt was painful. Waiting for something to make sense. The water in her glass rippled and practically splashed over the side from how hard she was shaking. Harry wanted nothing more than to take it from her grip. But instead, he patiently waited until she sipped it.

“I’m okay,” her voice was nothing more than air. Even if it wasn’t, Harry wouldn’t believe her.

“Baby,” he frowned. “No one sends a message like that if they’re not worried about their safety. I’m worried ‘bout your safety. So don’t pretend t’be okay if you’re not. I’ll stay all night, sitting right here, and stare at you.”

She snorted. “That sounds like watching paint dry.”

He shrugged. “You’re far more interesting and prettier than paint drying.”

She swiped at her eyes again looking at her lap. “He cheated on me.”

“What a fucking moron,” he mumbled and tilted his head at the ceiling. Harry would never understand how the luckiest men in the world treated lovely, beautiful girls like her as if they were nothing. “He wants y’back?”

She shrugged, shook her head, and nodded. “I don’t know.”

“Do you want him back?”

She whimpered and shook her head. Squeezing her eyes shut so tight, he worried she was going to split open her lids. “God, no,” she whispered.

Harry sighed, rubbed his palms on his thighs. “Can y’talk t’me, kitten? M’not leaving unless y’tell me to. Do y’want me t’leave?” It would kill him. Sincerely, truly kill him. But if she didn’t want him there, he would go.

“I can’t,” she was sobbing. It was killing him. It hurt so much not to hold her and comfort her.

“Okay, okay. I’ll... I’ll jus’... go back t’my house... Yeah? If y’need something, jus’...” he rubbed a hand over his face feeling like he was walking on a bed of glass saying the words. “Call, text, throw rocks at m’window,” he stood, mindful to not bump her knee. He smiled weakly at his own joke. It wasn’t returned. He didn’t know what to do or say. He didn’t know how to help the sweet, lovely girl. The smile fell from his lips when she didn’t respond. “Jus’... lock the door behind me, Buttercup, yeah?”

It felt like he was walking toward his death, but he left her living room and waited until he heard her deadbolt lock before he descended her porch steps.

*

She dropped the glass of water Harry gave her in the kitchen after she let Harry leave. It shattered into a million microscopic pieces and the flowers from her garden looked so unbelievably pretty she wished Harry really was taking her on a date.

She covered her mouth around another broken sob. Her eyes felt red and raw, and the pressure of her sinuses and the front of her forehead ached beyond words. She was safe. She was okay. But her chest hurt.

Levi was gone. Harry came to her rescue. After she was mean and grumpy toward him. Trying to protect her heart after it hurt six ways to Sunday because of the man that let himself into her home without permission. Harry didn’t even try to touch her without permission. She could tell he wanted to. Hell, she wanted him to... but everything hurt, and she was just so scared.

Maybe it was too late. But she needed him. Really needed Harry to hold her and comfort her. Her mind ran rampant with thoughts of how lovely it was to be held by him. The kiss on her skin. He was warm and solid. Safe. That’s what she wanted. To feel safe. Her heart ached with want.

Immediately after the thought of his warm solid body around hers, she raced out of the kitchen and unlocked her door. She was ready to fly down the steps of her porch, cross her yard and his hoping he would have the door open before she even arrived.

But Harry was already there; at the bottom of the third and final step of her porch.

He never even left.

Harry stood and turned as soon as he heard the deadbolt open, standing only seconds before she was ready to blow right past him. “Oh, thank God,” he whispered to himself.

Without any more pause, she was in his embrace. Her arms around his neck and she sobbed openly into his shoulder. His hands felt so big and safe on her body, just as she predicted.

He hummed something into her hair. Something like “M’here,” in his gravelly, pretty voice. “I have you,” he soothed. “Oh kitten, m’so sorry,” his voice sounded like he wanted to cry as much as she was. Poor Harry. He didn’t deserve to feel so sad. Not because of her and her messed up life. “C’mon, Buttercup,” he scooped behind her knees and cradled her as he carried her back inside to her sofa, locking the door behind them as he entered.

“Don’t leave me, please,” she begged, sniffling into his shirt.

“Never, baby. Never, ever, ever,” he promised rubbing her back. “Not unless y’ask.”

Her lower lip wobbled. “But I will ask,” she sniffed. “Because I’m too much. I’m sad, scared, broken, and damaged.”

“Y’not any of those things, kitten. Certainly not damaged, Buttercup.”

“But I am,” she whimpered. “You have no idea. He messed me up so bad... and I... I don’t,” she choked. “I pushed you away already.”

It wasn’t much, but the little bit she opened up her heart to him meant the world to him. It was almost as good as holding her. But nothing could replace that feeling now that he had it. He stroked her face with the back of his hand. “I wasn’t far,” he shrugged.

He didn’t even leave her porch. Was he going to stay out there all night? Her heart felt achy, and her eyes were already raw with tears but if they weren’t she would have cried at the thought of her obnoxious neighbor sleeping on the bottom step of her porch in the cold all because she was broken.

“You just wanted to help, and touch and hold me, and I wouldn’t let you—”

“Kitten,” he said sternly. He cupped below her jaw and stared right into her pupils like he was speaking directly to her soul. “Let’s get one thing very clear. I will never touch you without permission. No one has any right t’touch you unless y’ask.”

A sob escaped her throat and then she buried her face against his chest. His body was so broad and warm. She imagined if they were without heat or power, she would still be warm. “But I want you to touch me. All the time. Every second I’m around you,” there was no use denying it. Not when she couldn’t lift her face from his shirt.

Harry sighed with relief. “Well good,” he squeezed her affectionately. “Baby,” he stroked his thumb below her eye. “What happened?”

She shivered and Harry pulled the blanket that was on the back of her sofa over them. Her personality was huge and beautiful. She invaded Harry’s every thought. In the same room, she was in every air particle. Outside in her garden she was every little piece of dirt, petal, stem, root and all. She was larger than life.

It killed him she felt so small in his arms.

“I knew he was cheating, and he didn’t want me to leave,” she sniffed. Harry nodded, his teeth ground together. His jaw tensed. Waiting for her to continue. “He said I was overreacting. Our relationship was stale, and we just needed something to spice things up.”

She turned her face to his shirt and Harry cupped the back of her head, his fingers sliding and massaging his fingertips against the back of her skull. “He’s an idiot, Buttercup. A stupid, idiotic, horrible excuse for a man,” he grumbled.

She swallowed and didn’t say anything for a few moments. Harry holding her felt like medicine was sinking into her skin and directly into her bloodstream. Harry didn’t force her to speak. He didn’t ask questions. He just held her. She was sure he wanted to know more. Wanted to know all the gritty details that resulted in her moving in the middle of the night and finding this house next to his.

But there was only one thing she could think about.

“Why do you call me Buttercup?” She whispered.

Harry didn’t answer for several seconds. His free hand was on the small of her back, pressing gently to get her frame even closer to his. “Can I kiss right here?” He asked ignoring her question. He brushed his thumb along her temple. She nodded and Harry followed the brush of his thumb with his lips.

“That’s nice,” she murmured.

He chuckled. “Jus’ wait ‘til y’get a real kiss,” he promised. “Gonna make y’fall in love with me.”

She didn’t want to tell him she already had because that seemed ridiculous. So ridiculous it made her a little breathless. “That good hmm?” She hummed.

“Never had a complaint.”

“That’s obvious,” she smirked.

He rolled his eyes. “I didn’t sleep with all of them.”

“Not my business.”

“But it is... M’a gentleman first, kitten. Mum taught me well. I just like t’make m’date feel good,” he explained. “Doesn’t always include... y’know,” he shrugged one shoulder. “I know I drove y’crazy walking them out in m’boxers.”

“No, you didn’t,” she lied.

He chuckled. “S’okay t’admit it, kitten; don’t know what I would have done if y’had someone over and flaunted a date in jus’ your underwear.”

“You were trying to make me jealous?”

“I didn’t think y’were that stubborn.”

She wasn’t sure if Harry was avoiding her question or trying to distract her, but she still wanted an answer. “Why?” She asked quietly again.

“Why what?”

“Why do you call me buttercup?”

He sighed, kissed her temple again turning her insides warm and mushy. He didn’t speak for a few seconds like he didn’t really want to tell her. “Y’were eating a peanut buttercup,” he mumbled. “When y’moved in. Y’have wrappers all over the floor of y’car. On Halloween, y’didn’t pass out any of them, but I saw them in the grocery bags I carried in for you one time.”

She bit her lip wondering how she didn’t put it together. It was incredible he noticed that. “They’re my favorite,” her voice no more than air once more.

“And you’re mine,” he assured her, cupping the side of her face. “M’not going t’let him hurt you. I’ll break every bone in his body and mine if I have to.”

She blushed. “You don’t have to—”

“Buttercup, m’not joking,” he said cutting off her protest. “Y’don’t have t’be scared because m’never going t’let him get close t’you ever again,” he promised.

“He just said he was going to... wait until you leave, Harry. You can’t promise that.”

“Guess I won’t leave. Or you’ll have t’come home with me.”

“Harry,” she croaked.

“Kitten, m’not messing around with y’safety,” he reminded her. “I can stay here on the couch and y’can stay in your bed. It doesn’t have t’be a thing. M’staying t’keep y’safe. Don’t read into it if y’don’t want to.”

But she wanted to read into it. God, did she want to. Harry dropped everything the moment she texted him from the bathroom in a panic. He was only next door. Didn’t she want to believe all his pranks were his way of flirting? Didn’t she want to believe he liked her more than just annoying her?

She swallowed like there was something stuck in her throat. He didn’t deserve a mess. He deserved one of the effortlessly beautiful girls that he brought home. The kind that knew how to curl their own hair and where to draw the contour lines when they did their makeup. “You don’t have to stay,” she shook her head.

“Kitten,” he tutted.

“No seriously—”

“You’re deflecting, baby.”

“I’m just—”

“Buttercup,” Harry’s hands felt so warm and perfect against her skin. He brought his other hand to her bare cheek. It looked like he was trying not to cry himself when she met his gaze. “You just told me y’would try t’push me away. I don’t want t’go. But I will. I’ll sleep on your porch if y’want me too,” he offered. “Please,” he whispered quietly. Gently, like he was worried he was going to scare her. “Don’t ask me t’leave you.”

There was a long pause. “Stay,” she murmured into his hand. Because she was too exhausted and scared to tell him to leave. Pressing her lips against his palm, she met his gaze and watched the hope bloom in his eyes with just one little word. “Please... please stay.”

Harry sighed with relief, pulling her tightly toward him and nodding. “Course, Buttercup. Of course.”

*

It had become routine. She arrived home from work, and there was Harry. Sitting on the bottom step of her porch. He waited for her while she gathered her belongings from her car. His smile was so stunning. Like a streetlight on a dark road. Bright, beautiful, and all for her. “Hey Buttercup,” he hummed as she approached. He stood and pulled the bag off her shoulder and carried it for her. It wasn’t even heavy. In the same movement, he pecked her cheek and pressed a hand to her lower back like he had done for the last six weeks since he started seeing her exclusively. Not a single girl with perfectly curled hair had been his driveway. No one with expertly contoured makeup. Harry stopped walking around his yard in his boxers (but now she wished he did it more). As he guided her toward the front door, he continued grinning like an idiot. “Did your day get better after lunch, kitten?”

She nodded, his encouraging text sent at lunchtime was meant to ease the frustration he could sense through her messages. It wasn’t lost on him that as much as he used to enjoy her frustration, he wanted nothing more than to ease it now. “M-hmm,” she smiled at him. “You?”

“Better now that you’re home.”

She rolled her eyes at him because while he stopped pranking her so much, he replaced it with the cheesiest thoughts and lines known to man. But there was no denying how it made her heart flutter. “Did you want to go out to eat?” She asked.

He shrugged, then nodded. “We can if y’want.”

“I don’t really feel like cooking.”

“Me either.”

“Let me change and we’ll go.” Harry was looking at her strangely. The kind of face he made when he pulled pranks on her before he officially swept her off her feet. Maybe she was wrong, and the pranks were coming back.

Maybe there were those mini firecrackers under her toilet seat. “What?”

“Nothing, jus’... think y’look pretty,” his smile was too devilish (and handsome). He knew what he was doing. she shook her head and snorted. But Harry saw the way her cheeks turned pink at the compliment. He watched her head to her bedroom. When she stopped in the doorway, his smile bloomed. Her pause to look at her room as if it wasn’t hers made his heart skip a beat. “S’matter, Buttercup?”

“There are like a hundred peanut butter cups on my bed,” she told him. Like he didn’t already know. Orange wrappers lined up in the shape of a heart along her bed spread.

“107, actually,” She turned to look at him. He shrugged. “It would have 110, but I needed a snack.”

She wanted to smile. But her heart was beating fast, her emotions overwhelming her. She bit the inside of her lip. “Why?”

“Y’said y’were having a bad day.”

Her lip felt raw from biting it, behind her eyes prickled with tears. “Oh.”

“S’nice? Yeah?” He wondered and made his way to her, putting his hand on her lower back. He kissed her temple. “Kitten?” She nodded and turned her head toward him, hiding her face against his shoulder and trying to quell the emotion that was threatening to come out of her. “Hey, s’wrong, Buttercup?” He frowned. “Do y’want t’order take away instead?” He rubbed her arm soothingly.

She shook her head, then nodded, followed by a shrug. “I don’t know,” she sniffed.

“Aw, baby, don’t cry,” he hummed. “S’okay,” he reassured her. He didn’t even know why she needed reassurance. “S’jus’ some candy.” She sniffled again and Harry kissed the top of her hair. “M’gonna make sure y’feel good all the time, Buttercup,” he promised.

Her chest felt so overwhelmingly warm and achy in the best way. She nodded against him wishing she could tuck herself further into his strong body where she felt like nothing bad could happen. The change in relationship was a lot to absorb. But it was easy in a lot of ways. Harry was sweeter than she ever imagined he could be. Or maybe she was biased now that she got kisses, and he held her like she was the most precious thing he had ever touched. It killed her in hindsight how standoffish she had been to him. The thought of ignoring him made her feel sick to her stomach.

“I think you really will,” she mumbled into his shirt. He chuckled, kissed the top of her head. “Thank you, Harry,” she whispered.

“Y’never have to thank me, kitten,” he shrugged. “Sorry I was so annoying.”

“I suppose it worked,” she sniffed.

He chuckled. “I knew it would.”

“You did not.”

“I did so,” he said petulantly. “Or I hoped it would.”

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t know why you would want someone so mean.”

“Jus’ makes me want y’more,” he joked and rubbed his thumb over her lower lip. “M’gonna kiss y’now, kitten,” his way of warning her and asking for permission. It hurt that he felt he had to ask. But Harry was nothing if not thorough and sure in asking for her consent.

“Don’t ever stop,” she sighed dreamily.

He chuckled again and leaned in to follow his promise. “M’pleasure, Buttercup.”

--

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[poisonousquinzel]

"the only reason Harley's called Harley Quinn and not Harleen Quinzel or some other moniker is because the Joker manipulated her into thinking the similarity in her name and the name of a specific type of clown meant they were destined to be together and that means she's intrinsically tied to him forever and can't exist as a character on her own because her origin is tied to him" ass take has gotta be the worst one I've seen as of late,,, like really can't lie it's stuck in my head lol 😭

i wish i could go about life misunderstanding characters this much and thinking that one who's been a canonical domestic abuse victim since her og origin episode / comic, who is partly (story wise) inspired by a real life dv victim who survived

In the afterword, artist Bruce Timm shares that their Harley was based in part on a real-life friend who was stuck in an abusive relationship: “I’m happy to report that the ‘real-life Harley’ did finally break away from her ‘Joker’ and has been happily married to another man for several years now.”

[Source]

is a character who's "girlbossified" when she's allowed to grow past and outside of her abuser himself,, and that that means idk writing her without him dilutes her character and takes away everything interesting and flawed about her? that she should never be written without him / without her world revolving around him, due to him being the catalyst in her origin?

The Joker's part of her origin because he was the root cause of her fall, the villain, the bad guy, the abuser. that doesn't mean she's required to be forever tied to him?

This isn't even a problem in the actual comics or anything. It's just absolutely 100% not.

No one even pretends Joker isn't intrinsically tied to her story, or more specifically her trauma. No one in real life and no one in their universe.

Tim Drake literally mentioned The Joker in like the last chapter of her (2021 - ) comic ffs!!! 😭

"Did the Joker make you want to do that? Do you wanna unpack that, Harley? Do you wanna talk about The Joker?!"

Harley Quinn (2021-) #42

But it's almost like people grow and heal and evolve. Her codependency and shit are flaws that are not permanent and are things she (can) and is working on.

She's riddled with flaws and they've gone nowhere! she's just trying her best to stay afloat and better herself bit by bit because she isn't Dr. Harleen Quinzel anymore, she can never walk into a medical building and apply and expect them to not know who she is upon a singular search in the system.

She's just Harley Quinzel now, she still has the skills and experience and schooling, but she also has a long serious criminal record, severe mental health issues and is living in a city that rightfully does not trust her. She can't go back, she can't get her old life back, and she can't go back to being Her, The OG "New & Improved" Harley Quinn who's world revolved around 1 person and him alone, because she would die.

He'd kill her, maybe not immediately, but he would be the death of her.

And she knows that. It's a lose lose.

The only real option she has is to lay down and die or to survive. To float and swim bit by bit until she finds stable ground.

Until she finds a way to live with herself again.

Harley's "obliviousness" is a coping mechanism that we literally see her dealing with since BTAS.

A warped world view that does in fact make her actions more complex,, and makes the aftermath / come down all the harder for her as she has to grapple with the internal traumatic response to Everything with Joker while also dealing with the world she's waking up to and realizing the real reality of her actions and the actual pain it left behind. It's literally been in her character plain as day since her First Personal Comic from 2000!

It's something taken seriously and something she knows, regardless if she even remembers the crime, that she has a responsibility to take accountability for. She almost lets Clown Hunter execute her because she was involved in his parents death, even though she doesn't remember the night, she trusts Batman enough that if he says she was there, she was. And she's going to own up to being there. She starts a therapy group for ex clowns post Joker War, she's become a (court ordered) professor and during all of these arcs Joker and his influence on her and her life are mentioned and acknowledged and present.

He's not been removed as an intrinsic aspect of her story, but he is no longer the center of her world and that is a good thing.

It's almost like character growth after 30 goddamn years is something that happens.

And! you know who else is intrinsically tied to Harley Quinn's character just as much as The Joker?

Poison Ivy and Batman.

Her three primary connections since the Beginning, since the original series that everyone wants to pretend was so so different about her than it ever was, was Joker, Batman and Ivy.

And a primary goal (Harley wise) for 2/3 people she's been connected to since Batman The Animated Series has literally been to get her away from the 3rd. They've just successfully helped save her in most universes now, even when she's the one who pulls the trigger in the end.

It's been over 4 years since I made this blog and I still cannot wrap my head around this fandom's deep seeded hatred and disdain for actual character development.

"Sorry", but that's just such a disgusting take built on misinformed foundations and idk a personal rage for bad guy characters not being bland, predictable one note entertainment for the rest of their miserable existence in comics until they're shelved for being fucking boring one note d-list characters?

[fwitolei]

The Dragon Prince Thoughts 6x05 - Moonless Night

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Spoilers under the cut

“Oh, don’t worry about Viren, everything will be fine.”

Did you notice the way Soren hesitated when addressing Viren by his name? gahhh this poor man deserves happiness why can’t he get a breakkkk—

I wonder if they’re gonna pull some “Father-Lord” shit like Zuko and reference atla

THE WAY HIS FACE FALLS THE MOMENT HE LEAVES THE ROOM 😭😭😭😭

*crying noises*

“Oh, Soren, my son. Is that you?”

Woah Viren’s been in that cell for a while

There’s gonna be so much to unpack here watch

The way Soren absolutely refuses to look at Viren speaks volumes he’s so done taking Viren’s shit

And it’s the one time Viren isn’t giving Soren shit but he’s burned their bridge so badly Soren’s lost all faith and respect

Not to mention Viren took Claudia away from him too in a way

Lmao why was stella trying to steal callum’s book—

I wonder if Rayla learned that lullaby she’s singing from her parents

OOH or even runaan or Ethari—

Nah my bet is her parents

“Maybe I just want to see you suffering.”

Okay the repetition of the scene is totally intentional what are they trying to convey

Why does Soren keep going down there to see Viren when he knows all Viren has done is hurt him? What does he want?

“But with my eyes open, I also see… you.”

NO CUZ it’s the way Soren IMMEDIATELY starts crying when Viren says “you”

Like all he ever wanted was some form of acknowledgement from Viren his WHOLE LIFE but now that he’s got it it’s too late

Soren desperately wants to believe Viren but he’s been hurt so many times he doesn’t allow himself to

“Everything you’re telling me is… is some kind of lie!”

SEE THIS IS WHAT I MEAN

Viren has given Soren some serious trauma and self-worth issues, and even after two years of virtual peace, he’s still keeping it in

Everyone he trusted either didn’t care or isn’t even present in his life (lissa), so he always kept it in, using his “class clown himbo” facade as a coping mechanism

But now that his entire childhood trauma is literally sitting there staring at him he can’t take the idea of working through it all and that’s why he blew up

SEE NOW HE DOESN’T WANNA TALK ANYMORE

I wanna say he’s just not ready to face Viren but at the same time I don’t think he’s ever gonna be ready he just has to take the plunge

Wait is that Fen—

I thought he was with amaya in xadia

Did he get demoted lmao—

Wait does the standing battalion outrank the crownguard or the other way around

“On moonless nights you miss her the most.”

That is so sad omg—

Luna Tenebris disappeared centuries ago too so Esmeray’s been hurting for a really long time

Imagine that i could never 😭

“It’s the Corona of the Heavens.”

WAIT I THOUGHT VIREN’S STAFF HAD A QUASAR DIAMOND—

If all 3 are in the crown wtf is the stone in his staff

OH THE BLINDFOLD DESIGNS ARE LITTLE EYES I SEE IT NOW

OH WOW KOSMO’S CONNECTING TO THE STARS

Just like that huh

WOAH KOSMO PREDICTING FUTURES HERE

“But your path is… darkness.”

Does that mean callum is still on the dark path aaravos was talking about in s4? Or is kosmo just reflecting callum’s soul from his past usage of dark magic like how sol regem sensed it

Oh? Soren’s back

I wonder why he went back

“If you do not accept my words now, Soren, I want you to have them in the future… when you might need them.”

Okay nah this has got to be foreshadowing or something wtf is going to happen to soren—

Omg this was essentially a soren character study sorry lmaooo. I’m not too learned in trauma and all that stuff this is just my take on what’s going on with him I’m just really invested cuz he’s my bbg princess and i need him to be okay 💀

ANYWAYS considering that Rayla really connected with Esmeray in this season i wonder if she’s gonna have some plot relevance later on (i hope so esmeray is fuckin cool) especially cuz even kosmo commented on it and he can see the future. Soren BETTER BE OKAY by the end of this season i can’t take his pain 😭. And also i am SO EXCITED for rayla to see her parents again and for runaan to FINALLY go back to ethari like he DESERVES GAHH— 

But yeah good episode good episode 👍

[ofbreathandflame-archive]

Why you care so much about what feyre and her stans are doing🤔

you know, im actually very glad you sent this in anon, though i know it wasn't sent in good faith. when i say feyre 'stans' - i am being 100% sarcastic. my argument is that i don't believe the people who peddle the idea that they hold feyre to be first actually believe that ideal. i also believe they end up purposely derailing actual conversations about abuse, feminism, and racism bc they don't want to actual critique rhys, so they end up selling much more intentional bs to avoid the conversations all together,

as to why that matters - i can explain.

(1) i think a lot of people who work under the idea that they like feyre 'first' believe that a female perspective = feminist. in theory, i believe a lot of rhys stans subconsciously (or consciously) understand that his actions are villainous (to some capacity). like they do understand that there's only so far they can actually support sexual assault. i think a lot of people use feyre to circumvent this issue: if feyre agrees or even likes the abuse, then it cancels out the implication of the it. and this partially because the book flocks to do the same thing - it never introspects about what x character's actions say about them as a character. think about it - even if we work with the idea that rhys doesn't enjoy the abuse he put feyre through, going as far as to reiterate that he feels shame -- we have to question why the story responds to that with plainly stating that feyre actually enjoyed the abuse and/or felt genuine attraction rhys in those moments. because then it (a) removes the idea of moral-greyness; rhysand never has to reflect because the story always believes he secretly justified. (b) there should still be a conversation about what that means. the mating bond operates as both a justification and a rebuke of feysand's actions (c) it puts into question what the story is actually arguing about feyre's trauma from utm. if feyre always secretly wanted rhysand utm...so much to unpack there. we're not genuinely rebuking abuse. and that's fine if you're drawing a scene or simply entertainment - it becomes worrisome when we considered that there is a lesson being put forth.

(2) people who use feyre as the scapegoat to often time sidestep conversations. feyre's narration is only considered when it validates rhysand's abuse - other times, the idea that we should consider canon wholly (analyze the information we're given v. what we're told) becomes nonexistent. so even though feyre has reiterated her boundaries to rhysand (and even though rhys is already aware of those boundaries via his mental snooping), there still this need to 'hear things from rhys side' - even though we know what feyre choice would have been. we know that feyre would have never wanted that information kept from her. its literally been her only consistent trait- don't lie. and as i said in this post: even the act of creating the intervention undermines three books of feyre's narration cementing her boundary.

(3) 'feyre stans' often hijack the conversations; the conversation about racism (and rhys's absue) always stalls because -- AGAIN -- there's only so much analysis they can happen before you realize the problem is both sjm's ideology and her obsession w/ rhys. at some point they always end up defending sjm (and her racism and misogyny). there's a struggle between actual unpacking rhysand's action and what that means for him as a character. they do want to have the serious conversations, just not in a way that detrimental or all-encompassing. selective reading, plain and simple.

i also believe thats why there so much overblown hate for tamlin (that in my opinion, backfired terribly esp over the last three years) is merely insecurity about the problems w/ rhys's charcater. morally, there only so many conversation we can have before the weirdness rears it head. we can't argue tamlin is abusive and then in the same breadth argue for the neccessity of the same form of abuse. we can't argue that rhys is morally-grey and then ignore the greyness area. we also cannot say rhys grows as a character if we argue that he never grows from the person we met utm. we can't say that we 'recognize' he was wrong, but then constantly uplift those very moments as moments of love. we can't say sjm has racial/moral in her story and then remove how that effects more favorable characters.

[mazzystar24]

I think we'll get a will mention but Chris will still go with the Diaz parents in the end. But only temporarily. Like they'll want to take Chris with them, saying something about how they're next in line or best suited to have him or some kind of comment that makes Eddie go "well actually, no. It's in my will that Buck gets Christopher." But Buck will give Chris the choice of what he wants to do/where he wants to go.

And I think Chris knows that if he goes with Buck, there's too much of a chance of seeing/hearing about his dad or Buck trying to make peace quicker than either of them needs, and I think Chris needs to be away from his dad (the Kim thing + general teenagerness) so he goes with his grandparents, temporarily.

And Buck is there to tell Eddie he's not a bad father, he's not a bad person, he's clearly still dealing with trauma and grief and needs to focus on himself and put himself first right now. So we end season 7 with Eddie (somewhat) isolated, working through all this, figuring some things out, and Season 8 we get fresh start Eddie 2.0

I actually think that the Diaz parents WONT be complete assholes about it but I think they’ll like be a bit confused and like pushy with why Buck is involved like they’ll be very much like this is a serious private matter why is the white boy here again? AND THEN WILL MENTION - also adding this in after I wrote the second paragraph of this so this might be out of context but that’s another way they can show their growth like sorta respond to bucks place in the Diaz family in a way that contrasts their relationship with Shannon

Like something about these two pics make me think that they’ll be really leaning into their redemption arcs and just have them be supportive and reassuring- which if they do sorta show them earning their redemption arc more I’d actually be all for, unlike the Buckley parents who they just SAY they’re redeemed while never showing us their behaviour changing

Like the second pic very much gives the same energy ramon and Eddie’s reconciliation had and maybe actually that’ll come up and ramon says something about how Eddie needs to take some time not just for Chris but for himself, to see who he is outside of being a father, maybe even talk about his own faults as a father and how Eddie’s never not had to be in dad mode cos of him

Plus I feel like the Diaz parents having more conflict with Eddie would just give too much to unpack by the time s8 comes around if that makes sense

Also totally agree they should give SOME justification for why Chris wouldn’t stay with buck instead

And totally agree with the whole last part of your ask and fingers crossed that’s what happens🤞🤞🤞

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

This happened a while ago but it's been bothering me.

In high school, my best friend (Hayley) and I briefly dated after we A: realised we weren't straight and B: had romantic feelings for one another. We didn't tell anyone about it at the time, and due to the circumstances behind her breaking it off, it just. Never came up with friends. It was a little on again off again for years due to her issues around commitment and vulnerability, and eventually I put my foot down and said I was over her and just wanted to be friends, nothing more.

Around this time, a mutual friend set her up with a friend of her boyfriend. I was the last one to find out in our friend group that she was dating Tim, and only really because she asked for permission to tell Tim that we had dated, because they were starting to get serious.

At this point in time, we were all about 23, so it had been over 5 years since we'd been romantically involved. Everyone in our friend group knew we were queer, but we weren't out publicly yet, and they still didn't know about Hayley and I dating. But I still agreed because I understood her wanting to be open and honest with him.

Fast forward a year and Tim cheats on her with his ex-girlfriend. I won't go into details about how messy this was, because a lot of it is personal to them, but the relevant part is that Tim justified this to his friend group by telling them that he'd done it because he was upset about Hayley doing it first.

He tells them all that Hayley and I had dated, naming me in the process, and lies that we (Hayley and I) slept together on a recent girls trip. We find out because one of his friends is a mutual friend's boyfriend, and suddenly all hell breaks loose because our friend group finds out Hayley and I dated, and both of us are not only outed, but rumours start spreading about us cheating.

It's important to note that I'm asexual, and have some trauma around being discussed sexually that I hadn't fully dealt with at the time. Tim never apologises to me for any of it, Hayley jokes to me on the phone while in tears that it's particularly ridiculous because I'm asexual, and the two of them get back together.

Here is the messy part. I don't bring up how I'm feeling, because I'm more concerned about Hayley's feelings, for various reasons, and I have a very strong people pleasing streak that I also had not dealt with at the time.

Fast forward two years and I am suddenly unpacking all this trauma, while also dealing with a lot of personal turmoil. My friendship with Hayley has become more and more strained as we grow and change as people, and I begin to realise that we haven't really been the same around each other for a while now.

This culminates in Hayley messaging me one day to say that she and Tim are engaged, and I, caught up in what was going on at the time (and I was also at work), don't immediately reply - partially because I'm figuring out how to word a reply I don't actually mean. Except I forget to respond and later that night, she messages me and essentially tells me not to bother.

I give her space, as she told me not to message her, and then she messages me two weeks later angry about me not contacting her. I am dealing with a lot that I'm not getting into here, including a court case and a death in the family, but finally I decide to just come clean.

I message her and apologise for not responding sooner. I explain that I'm still unpacking a lot of my own problems and trying to figure things out, and I'm realising that I haven't been comfortable around Tim since the incident happened. I explain that I don't hold it against her at all, because I didn't voice any of this at the time, but it also isn't something I can ignore. I explain that I feel like we've both been trying too hard to maintain a friendship that just isn't working anymore. I tell her that I would never ask her to put a relationship aside for my sake, especially with our history, and I don't want to put her in an unfair situation by making her feel like she's having to balance the two of us, but neither do I want to put myself in an unfair situation by continuing to ignore my own feelings about him and the entire debacle.

So I tell her, point blank, that I still care about her, but we've grown apart, and I think the healthiest solution is to end our friendship. I wish her the best with Tim and explain that this isn't anyone's fault, it's just that we were already growing apart and with everything that's happened, I don't think that our relationship is repairable.

Since then, I've not had much contact with the extended friend group for similar reasons, though I'm 90% sure they've sent a gift basket for my last two birthdays, they haven't attached a name or said anything about it.

I still feel terrible about the entire situation and sometimes doubt if I did the right thing, or if there was a better way of handling things. So. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[daniclaytcn]

hi im the og anon about the oliver interview — you basically hit the nail on the head. im of the belief that eddie has known in some capacity he has feelings for buck and just compartmentalizes it because he didnt think buck swung that way (until now) and even then just doesnt want to touch it because hes repressed and thats A LOT to unpack even if he is aware of it. i want him to just embrace himself.

i saw a different interview after 705 that lou said he wasnt sure if he was in any episodes past 706 so im starting to think that we might have buck get some feelings realization for eddie SOON and buck pining in season 8 perhaps. ik tim says he writes as he goes but i find it hard to believe there wouldnt be some sort of overarching game plan AT ALL for a show like this. maybe the way theyre going about it changed (i think having buck date another guy first is a great idea tbh) but i still think thats the long term plan

anyway i want eddie to be happy and joyful unlike past seasons (like with a catholic guilt arc i want him to just learn to let go and enjoy things dhshdsh) and i want buck to really work on himself because i think realizing his feelings for eddie will be the first step to getting off the wheel. fucking up means he’ll ruin one of the best relationships in his life so he really cant afford to do things the same way. and eddie isnt someone who would go there, so buck has to be

anyway sorry for yapping in your inbox 🫶 thank you for answering my other ask btw!!!!!

yes, everything you said! i don't really have a lot to add except that i think it's important that eddie learns how to let himself want things and actually voice his wants, so i'd genuinely like to see him let go of the pressures of dating seriously with a specific goal in mind (finding a co-parent, etc) and see him kinda casually date around, actually figure out what he likes or wants in a relationship, etc. meanwhile buck can do some serious self-reflection while being single. (this isn't to say that i think both of them should be magically fixed from all their traumas, etc before they get together—that's never gonna happen, and saying something like that has some very messed up implications. but i do think there are a certain number of things they need to do first before being ready for a relationship with *each other* so that it doesn't implode in their faces.)

and feel free to yap in my inbox at any time ajsksksd

[wellspokenrambler]

Rambler @ PAX East 2024

Hi folks! I just got back from PAX East over the weekend and, while I didn't really take part in the Expo Hall besides a couple of stalls, I did go to a decent number of panels - and thought it was worth writing up my thoughts on each of them. The only thing I love more than playing video games is hearing people talk about video games!

(I didn't take notes while I was there so this will be certainly more of a "vibes"-based assessment and why each one appealed to me personally, so apologies if you came here looking for a more objective description of each panel! I'll put links to the VOD of each panel where available)

Panels and thoughts below the read-more (it's long as heck! get ready):

Metroid: A Community Retrospective and Look Toward the Future

Having only played Metroid Prime 3: Corruption and Metroid: Dread in my time, I wouldn't call myself a hardcore fan - but they are both games I've really enjoyed, and Samus Aran's pivotal positioning as a female character in video gaming history is always fascinating to me, so I had to check this one out.

It's so surreal to see the ways that a community like this had to adapt to long "dry spells" without any official new material for their fandom, and the joy that follows when something like Dread comes along to reaffirm their love for it. I don't know that I learned anything new from this panel myself, but it was still heartening to hear the panellists' clear passion for the games, and it does make me want to dip my toes into other Metroids (at the very least, the other two Prime games!)

Unlocking the Positive Potential of Gaming for Kids and Teens

I hadn't originally planned to go to this one, but met two of the panellists (Dr. David Bickham and Sam Schamm, MA) while eating brunch by the food trucks, and hearing them briefly discuss the subject matter fascinated me enough that I decided to pop along to it.

This was a deeply insightful panel on the ways that gaming can meaningfully help young people and foster their learning, agency, critical thinking, and other useful life skills - as well as thoughts on how to help them through the risks associated with gaming such as toxic multiplayer communities or, for want of a better word, the addictive potential of gaming. Having previously worked in a job which involved helping teenagers make informed decisions about their futures myself, it meant a lot to me to see serious academic thought being given to the subject given how prevalent gaming is as part of a child's social life these days. Excellent panel!

Mental Health and Gaming - Creating a Safe Space for Yourself and Others

While a difficult topic, I am nevertheless glad that I went to this panel as it covered the way that streamers and other "community figures" can navigate the creation of a safe space in the form of their community while also maintaining effective boundaries within that space. Of particular interest to me was reframing some of the language that often gets used in this context e.g. "trauma-dumping" and unpacking our own biases when dealing with uncomfortable situations.

If I had any minor criticisms of the panel, it would be that some of the suggestions occasionally felt like they veered a little too far into the side of... I guess trying to fix the lives of strangers? Now, in the interests of fairness I shall state my own biases that lead to this feeling, because it is not that I do not care about what happens to people: it is precisely because I've had to manage my own proclivity towards hyper-empathy in the past that I tend to take a step back from my emotions on that regard these days. Caring is good, but caring to the point of self-destruction helps no-one, and that to me feeds into what the panel was saying about boundary maintenance.

My own community is a small handful of regulars and a couple of hundred followers so this has not been something I need to worry about yet, but the panel has hopefully given me some tools with which to manage those situations if they ever arise, and for that I am thankful.

How Our Favorite Characters Have Real World Impacts on Us: A Look into Fictional Characters and ParaSocial Relationships

FASCINATING panel. I originally went to this because of my memories of being in the Gorillaz fandom and the weird and wonderful (and sometimes ugly) ways people interacted with the idea of the fictional band members in that space... But the conversation proved to cover a broad spectrum both of what constitutes a parasocial relationship AND what constitutes a fictional character; the panellists made the case that the personas of content creators and streamers themselves counted as fictional characters, and I think they are absolutely bang-on with that.

From my end as a Z-list Player of Games Online, even I am presenting a more polished version of myself there than I would have in the rest of my life - it's not "not me", but it's certainly not all of me, and that is enough to make "Well-Spoken Rambler" a somewhat distinct entity from the person who portrays them.

The inclusion of internet personalities into their definition ALSO meant, however, that at the Q&A I got to name-drop one of my favourite journal articles that I've read this year: The one-and-a-half sided parasocial relationship: The curious case of live streaming. This article holds deeply interesting connotations to me because of what it implies about the "half" of the one-and-a-half... which is that of course, behind the fiction of a "creator" is the person who creates, and that person is just as capable of developing fictionalised ideas of the people in their community (though with a more removed and likely self-aware perspective on it). The panellists had heard of the article and mentioned it was on their to-read list, but agreed it tied in well with the themes of the panel!

(... And yet the reason I was able to re-find the article so quickly is because I had linked it to a creator in a Patreon Direct Message a couple months ago because I thought it would be interesting to them... The irony is not lost on me. More on that later.)

Debate Club with Mari and PeeGTV

This was just a fun old time! I wasn't familiar with Mari or PG before watching this panel, but they have such a fun rapport here that I want to try and watch them more regularly now that I know of them. Jenna Stoeber acted as a firm but fair adjudicator of the panel - and I am definitely not just saying that because she is a recent convert to the Rambler channel and was pleasant and kind when we bumped into each other on the expo floor. She did a great job letting both sides of the debate (Millennial horror vs Gen Z horror) shine. If you listen closely around the 34 minute mark, you may hear a familiar little British voice raise a point about how you can't judge a horror by its synopsis!

Thinking Differently Together: Neurodivergence & Gaming

Folks... I am so so glad that there is a much greater emphasis on self-advocacy these days than there used to be. Look! Look at all those ND creators talking about their experiences and being listened to!! Look how it has a VOD so I can just link it and you can all see it too!!! Conversations like this one in a major event like PAX are a hopeful sign to me that progress is being fought for and won.

Only minor critiques for this one are:

could have used some discussion about more than just the usual ADHD/autism bracket that is discussed when it comes to neurodiversity (but then I think that about most ND discussions)

would personally have liked some chat about accessibility concerns while creating/streaming and neurodivergent (e.g. personally had to tweak my lighting because it was overstimulating me while I streamed)

Otherwise great panel!

Bridging the Gender Gap (13+)

Another great panel for encouraging diversity in the games industry - I appreciated the intersectionality of this one as well as the honest discussions about the ways in which things still need to be made *considerably* better throughout all corners of gaming. The panel also discusses actionable steps which could be taken to improve on these issues.

Surprised at myself for not having much to say about this one! I just think the panellists did a really good and succinct job at talking about the subject.

A Hunter's Dream: Bloodborne and Transness

I enjoyed this panel a whole lot - Having watched a playthrough of Bloodborne last year, hearing two trans women discussing the different trans allegories and interpretation of the characters and themes and lore of the game felt absolutely correct, even if it wasn't "canon".

If one was being pedantic one could call this the least polished of the panels I went to, but I honestly don't think that matters tremendously because both panellists were so utterly sincere about what they were covering that it carried the panel. You could easily tell just how much the subject matter meant to the two and it in turn meant a lot to me that they were willing to share it with a bunch of strangers as we were.

And then...

Um, Actually: The Panel

Hoooooo boy.

So remember earlier when I mentioned the irony of using Patreon DMs to grab an article about nonstandard parasocial interactions?

[ID: a meme image of Morpheus from the Matrix saying "What if I told you the guy I sent that article to is at a PAX East panel"]

So of course the panel for the Dropout show Um, Actually was being hosted by its two new presenters, Ify Nwadiwe and Brian David Gilbert:

Ify had been a wonderful host so far, and I really enjoy his work in general (especially his stint recently on Very Important People), so I was looking forward to meeting him.

...And then there's Brian, who has been streaming on Twitch for just under the past four years and who in that time has been subject to hundreds of my fun facts, insightful commentaries, and helpful actions (which he very much appreciated). That, alongside regularly taking part in Patreon livestreams, has led to a strange situation where I would not consider us friends, but we... don't not know each other? but we also don't know each other? Which is why the "one-and-a-half-sided" description in that article and the panel about parasocialness appealed to me (and why I sent the article to him too).

So of course when this panel got announced I wasn't gonna miss it. I really enjoyed what I've seen of Ify's hosting and Brian's fact-finding so far, and I wasn't gonna miss the chance to see the two chat about it - nor to potentially meet the guy who helped me raise £500 for ASAN last year.

But, turns out I wasn't the only one enthused by the panel, because it was Absolutely Rammed, like, an hour and a half before the panel started. I got lucky in that I managed to end up somewhere in the middle of the pack and got into the panel at all, but good grief did it remind me how I don't do well in crowds (even well-managed crowds, thank you PAX Enforcers xx).

It caused me to reflect a lot on the perceived casualness with which I interacted with Brian on Twitch versus the material reality of the level of interest from a LOT of people which he manages. It's the kind of thing which makes me wish to never become famous, because I don't know that I'd have it in me to manage that level of attention from everyone - even the very occasional instance of people recognising me online FROM Brian's streams and acting like it's a big deal always throws me off a bit (this has happened to me several times, I'm not even kidding!)

But then of course the Enforcers got us all in neatly and sweetly, and the panel was a delight! It was fun to hear Ify and Brian (and Jenna!!) talk about working on the show and the kinds of things they enjoyed putting in and what to expect next - such as another new season after the current one, as it deserves.

There was also a live session of Um, Actually questions which was at the time enjoyable, but since then numerous allegations of cheating and defamation have come to light against one of the participants, Gabe Hicks, and it is disheartening that something as grievous as this could have been going on that very weekend. I hope that justice and reparations can be made for the people affected by this, and I am going to move on out of courtesy to those involved.

After the panel, a meet-and-greet line formed for both Ify and Brian outside of the theatre and I was able to join it - it also felt important to me that I follow the proper procedures and not assume any privileges, since I know full well how that kind of thing can read and wanted to put my best foot forward, so to speak.

The play-by-play of our eventual meeting is as follows:

I greeted Ify first on purpose to let him know that he was doing a great job as the new Um, Actually host and I liked him in VIP

I then went to greet Brian, but at that point he had very blatantly already cottoned onto who I was and seemed very enthusiastic that I was there. I didn't feel any sense of star-struckedness, it was more like that sense of when you talk to someone online and then meet them in person - surreal, but not stressful.

Jenna took that moment to gently interrupt so she could rendezvous with the two men before the line ended - seemingly because of our vague familiarity and prior assumption of goodwill on our parts

I made sure to pass along some greetings from a few Discord servers formed around Brian's Twitch streams I was in, which Brian appreciated, and gave him a small gift which I brought with me - a small bottle of vivid iridescent nail polish (Ciaté London's "Forbidden Fruit", sadly out of production now), since nail painting and structural colour is somewhat of a shared interest of ours

Brian made sure to specifically compliment me on my shirt, to which I admitted the reason I wore it was because I knew Brian was the only person there who would appreciate it fully: it was from a game of Tee KO we played on Patreon at the end of 2022, which Brian won using a VERY existential t-shirt illustrated by myself:

(sidenote, after repeated success with these silly skeletons in subsequent games of Tee KO, I am very close to just selling my own legally-distinct skeleton shirt if I ever have a merch page)

Finally, I asked if we three could cap off the meeting with a video'd selfie, to which they graciously obliged me:

Having filmed what can only be described as a Cannes-worthy masterpiece, I said my goodbyes to them and made my way to the next panel...

The PAX Panel Show

...Which was just in the same theatre as the last panel, and with Jenna hosting and Brian on the panel. What a glorious event! I am so sad this one didn't get recorded - a truly deranged set of questions, including Portmantoad (guessing which video games have had their names spliced together based on the description of the resulting fusion), Ornstein and Sullivan (guessing whether a named character was from a Fromsoft game or from an opera), and a whole bunch of real-world questions about farming?? Joke's on all these city-slicker panellists, I grew up on a smallholding! So I was... actually no better at those farm questions than them. I can't tell you about industrial farming practices, but I can tell you how to hold a chicken! (gently, like a big hamburger).

After the panel, I approached Jenna one last time at the con and suggested that, given the inherent strangeness of our interactions (wherein we have become Twitch mutuals but still at best distant acquaintances) it would be funny if we took a selfie but made out like she was "the fan". She saw the funny side of it:

[ID: a tweet by Well-Spoken Rambler @wellspokentweet reading "Always a pleasure to meet a fan, @the_jenna", below which is a selfie featuring Well-Spoken Rambler and Jenna Stoeber. A reply from Jenna beneath this reads "HONORED TO MEET YOU, BIG FAN <3" in all-caps.]

Play What You Don't Know with DesiQuest

This was my last panel of PAX, and a bit of a last-minute wildcard! After relaying the above events to my good friend Hamish, he told me that his friend Omar would be doing a panel the following day, and that I should go and see it. And I am very glad I did!

It was really heartening to learn that a podcast like DesiQuest exists - a D&D actual play featuring an all-South-Asian cast and touching on the disparate cultures and themes that connect with them and their audience. As someone who is of Sri Lankan descent but without the cultural upbringing, it's something that appeals to me personally as another way to try and reconnect with that heritage. Definitely catching up on this one over the week!

I also got to say hi to Omar from Hamish, and it was a nice bonding moment cut short by my having to BOOK IT to a water taxi and conclude my time in Boston for good.

...

Phew!

Well, thanks for reading all of that if you did! It was a weekend that was at once fun, interesting, and thought-provoking. I still don't consider myself someone who seeks out big events, but being much more free and able to take part in those kinds of things now is super refreshing and I hope at some point (though not in the immediate future, boy was that expensive) I will be able to go again! Or at least do other events like that. Possibly something a bit quieter, but conventions don't usually run in flavours of "quiet", haha. Perhaps next time I'll bring business cards to recklessly self-promote better with.

See you around!

-Rambler

[ticktockmyclockworkhart]

I swear i need more lore to sollex, or i go insane.

So here are some questions:

Who did fall in love first?

How dose Trollex feel about solo’s problem with the volume of the music?

Does Solo have problems in general with the volume of things?

Does solo sing to Trollex?

How does solo feel when Trollex had an horrible day with his duties?

How would solo feel about being king when it would get serious like marriage?

Did both of them ever thinking about kids?

Who’s top and who’s bottom? (Hehe sorry it’s just a funny question)

I think that’s all for the moment. :>

AAAAAAAAAAAH OMG OMG YOU ARE BRINGING ME TO LIFE THANK YOU FOR BEING INTERESTED IN MY OC AND MY CRINGE OC X CANON SHIP

So as mentioned in the backstory post I made, Solo was the first to fall in love when they were very young, but it was years of yearning before Trollex even knew who Solo was. Though I imagine techno trolls having crushes on Trollex isn't particularly uncommon, considering he's both a young king of his people, singer and DJ, I think 80% of techno trolls who like men have some kind of crush on Trollex lol.

Trollex tries really hard to be understanding about his boyfriend's problems with sound. It's hard considering he's literally wired the opposite way, and Solo never asks him to turn down the raves or anything because he's aware he's the minority of the entire techno troll population there, so they work together to find ways to protect Solo's ears. Trollex can't help feeling a little guilty when Solo gets caught up in a noisy situation that Trollex himself most likely caused, but it is what it is and Solo usually insists on taking care of these things himself. Solo tends to hide away at his seafloor home during raves to escape the noise, but Trollex always is willing to lend his substantial collection of high quality headphones, too.

The simple answer is yes, pretty much. He's soooo autism coded by design lol. Solo's hearing is, especially considering he lives most of his life underwater where sound has a hard time traveling, nothing short of incredible. The sounds Solo struggles with the most are high and low frequencies. Mid-frequency sounds are still loud, but don't bother him as profoundly.

Yes! Trollex is one of the only people Solo feels comfortable singing to. Solo has a more storied backstory than I've already given, lol (hit me up if anyone is interested in that) so he has a broad taste in music. Admittedly part of that is because he can hear literally everything, and depending on where he is, that might even extend to other tribes' music. Solo self-identifies as being electro-swing, and he actually has a pretty good voice (not that that would be a surprise lmao. Having a good singing voice is a species trait of trolls lol) when he chooses to use it. It's just that usually, his choosing to use it is alone with Trollex, though Trollex would love for him to be able to sing in front of others one day since it's a big part of being a troll of any kind.

Solo is ON IT when Trollex is struggling. That isn't often, though, at least, not when Trollex has any say in it. I headcanon that techno trolls, just based on what we know, don't really do the whole troll royalty thing the same as other troll tribes that have kings and queens do, like rock, pop and funk. I think techno trolls don't vibe with that kind of power imbalance, so their philosophy with their leadership is "mentor not monarch". The royalty does make decisions and is ultimately who is in charge, but techno trolls like to "keep it real" with their royalty who are more like peer leaders. Though that in itself is a whole new set of standards and responsibilities... Trollex likes to keep strong for his people. And for himself, too. He feels almost guilty when he isn't giving his 110% at all times and being a strong, positive and happy leader for his people. And himself. And to be honest, I think the whole rock troll invasion thing gave Trollex some trauma he doesn't really know how to unpack. Techno trolls don't really, at a societal level, know how to handle "heavy stuff". For one there's whatever he was put through when being held captive, and for another, I think Trollex feels really guilty about surrendering so fast even if he did it in the interest of not having anyone be hurt by another attack from the rock trolls. All that being said Trollex tries to not let himself have any issues, but Solo sees through him and he's a caretaker by heart, so take care of him he does. They usually end up cuddling and quietly talking, sometimes Solo makes food, but usually he jus goes with whatever Trollex asks for in the moment. Usually that's how it starts when Solo pulls him to the side, it's just asking "hey, what do you feel like you need?"

That's the one thing about their relationship Solo is most nervous about. Their relationship is still a secret because they're both hesitating to announce it--not that the reef wouldn't accept it, I think techno troll culture is nothing if not accepting, but because it's just gonna become this whole spectacle like any kind of celebrity dating and Solo isn't ready for that attention. He's even less ready to be king. Technically by marriage he won't be a king, he'll be a king consort, and he'd very much like to lean into the consort part... just kind of fade into the background, but he's more than willing to help Trollex in leading the tribe and advising him on all matters, that's sort of what he does now, it would just be in a more official capacity.

Yes they both want kids! I headcanon in the future the pair of them have twin boys, Treble and Bass, who don't have designs right now, just color schemes but maybe one day I'll post them!

As for the last question, I want to say it in a separate post because Trolls is a fandom populated by a lot of kiddos so I don't really want NSFW text, even just implied, in posts I put in the main tag but I can answer in an untagged post.

[toliveforthehopeofitall626]

The Beginnings of a Backstory

Mirio followed as you lead him into your apartment. It wasn't an absolute dump by any means, but it definitely wasn't what any normal person would call nice. It was technically speaking a studio, the kitchen, living room, and bedroom all connected in one big space. You had a couple of cheap, paper dividers that blocked off your bed from the rest of the living space. You walked into the makeshift room and started packing a few clothes into a bag. You didn't have a lot of clothes, enough to get by, which was pretty much the theme of everything in your life. The less possessions you had the easier it was to move around. It was probably a result from never having a stable living space as a child, but there was no way you were going to even begin to unpack all of that, especially not at this point in your life. 

As you packed your bag you watched Mirio begin to explore the small apartment. He didn't make any faces or show any signs that he didn't like the place or was judging it. You didn't think he would, but it was always a possibility, especially after you saw the beautiful home he lived in. 

"How long have you lived here?" He asked as he came back over to you. 

"Oh, just about a year now. I used to live closer to the college I attended but they were raising rent prices so I had to find something that I could afford to live in while also still being able to get groceries. It was pretty difficult. This was the cheapest place I could find that wasn't too far away. Sure, it used to be an hour bus ride to get to my classes and I had to live off of instant ramen for most of the time I've been here, but it's mine and I'm proud of it." You rambled a bit again as you finished putting your things into a bag. The last thing you grabbed was your laptop and carefully slipped it into its case. "Alright I've got everything."

Mirio turned to face you with the same smile you've become to find comfort in. "Great! Let's start heading back. Maybe we can pick up some pizza on the way home. I'm sure the others would be stoked to not have to do any cooking tonight. What kind of toppings do you like?"

You went to pick up your bags, but Mirio beat you to it, carefully slinging both bags over his shoulder. He really was such a gentleman, wasn't he? "I'm not super picky, anything that doesn't have onions or peppers on it I'm fine with. Though my favorite is pineapple and ham" 

"I'm glad you're on the correct side of pineapple on pizza argument." He joked as the two of you left the building. You made sure to lock the door before following back down to the car. You slid into your seat and frowned as your keys fell out of your pocket and onto the cement. You reached down to pick them up when you saw a flash of blue off in the alley way. You squinted a bit as you looked at the spot before shaking your head and grabbing your keys. It must have been your brain playing tricks on you. 

"Everything okay over there?" Mirio called out to get your attention. 

You nodded and slid back into the car. "Peachy keen." You flashed a smile over at him to reassure him that you were fine. "Just dropped my keys but I've got them now, so we are good to go."

The drive back, including your pizza stop, was filled with lighthearted conversation. Nothing too terribly serious. You'd had your fill of serious talk for the next few hours after borderline trauma dumping on Mirio before. The two of you pulled up to the house. You offered to carry in the pizza's seeing as Mirio wouldn't even let you carry your own bags. "Hey everyone, we're home." Mirio called out as you walked inside with him, splitting only when you headed to the kitchen to set pizza boxes down. 

It wasn't long before you heard footsteps coming into the room. You looked over and smiled as you saw Nejire and Tamaki walk in. "Mirio said you don't like pineapple, Nejire, and that Tamaki eats... to put it nicely, non typical toppings due to his quirk, so we got each of you your own pizza, that way everyone is happy." You opened up the boxes to show the others. 

"Hey, hey, those smell great!" Nejire pulled some plates out of one of the cabinets and came over. She set them down on the counter before putting a couple slices on her own plate. Tamaki followed her lead as he got his own slices. Mirio came into the room, now bag free, and walked over to the rest of you. 

"Boy I'm starving." He looked over at you. "Aren't you going to grab a plate? Don't be shy. You're our guest so you should have gone first."

You shook your head in response. "Oh no it's okay, you paid for it so really I could argue all of you should go first." You picked up a plate, grabbing a slice for yourself before Mirio grabbed some for himself as well. 

The four of you walked into the dining room and took seats around a medium sized table. Big enough for you all to have your own elbow room but not so big to make things awkward. The room was quiet as the four of you started eating. A bit of awkwardness floated in the air before someone finally spoke. More light small talk was carried out. A few jokes here and there. It was nice. You weren't used to having other people to talk to around you. Though you spent most of the time listening, learning and getting to know them. Which meant the majority of the conversation was held between Mirio and Nejire. 

You noticed that Tamaki seemed pretty uncomfortable, which wasn't unexpected. You felt a bit of guilt over the fact that it was your fault he couldn't be comfortable in his own home, and a part of you began to worry that it wasn't okay for you to stay. Maybe you could try and talk to him one on one later. Try and make yourself seem less scary. 

"So y/n Mirio said you just moved here a year ago, where did you live before?" Nejire's voice pulled you back into the conversation at the table. 

You shrugged your shoulders. "Here and there. I was moved around a lot as a kid between this family and that. It wasn't until I reached college that I had a consistent home and even then, it was just the campus dorms, until scholarships ran out and I had to find off campus housing. It's really crazy how hard it is to find a permanent place to call home is."

"My parents have lived in the same home for my entire life, I used to wish for the opportunity to move or change anything." Mirio spoke as he finished off his dinner. 

"It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. Who knows maybe if I had a normal family, it would be different, but when you're bounced around between homes and families for so long, you never get the chance to get comfortable and make friends." You didn't realize you had begun dumping on them again. What was wrong with you? It's not like you knew any of them super well, you can't just constantly vent all of your life's problems to people who are still practically strangers to you. It was almost like having people in your life, even if they were only temporary friends, made you comfortable enough to let all of these problems you'd bottled up out.  

"Well, sunshine, you don't have to be alone anymore." You stared over at Mirio for a moment before he clarified. "Because you have us as friends now, and you have your own apartment. You can finally let yourself put down roots." He smiled as he began to collect everyone's empty plates. 

"Oh well that is if I can find an apprenticeship or a job that pays well enough for me to stay." You responded back, not wanting to rain on his parade but you wanted to be rational. "I missed my interview, and it was already so hard to get that one, let alone to try and set up another."

"They have to be at least a little understanding; it's not your fault villains broke onto their campus and kidnapped people." Nejire spoke as she stood up. 

You stood as well and followed Nejire into the living room, both of you taking a seat on the couch. "This is a school for very rich kids of rich and snotty parents. They wouldn't care if I was dying in a hospital somewhere and that's why I couldn't make it. The second I was marked as late or that I didn't show up my chances were shot. I'll have to try and find something else soon. It's why I brought my computer with me, so I can still job search while I'm here."

"Well I'm sure that it will work out for you." She smiled sweetly. "Now do you like movies?"

"I love movies." You responded as the two of you got comfortable on the couch and started searching for something to watch.

[tiffanylamps]

🔥🔥🔥🔥 of course, some beyond evil hot takes 🔥🔥🔥🔥 but also, what is some controversial opinion that you have about something entirely mundane :^0

ask me ask me ask me baby (Disclaimer: I started writing this, then had dinner, watched an episode of Bros on Foot, then had a shower and now I'm pretty exhausted (thanks rona + bad health). So my answers may seem a lil disorganised... they most likely are) Oh, gosh. I don't think I have that many opinions that are actually controversial when discussing be. But I shall still give it a go. I going to put a break here 'cause I really didn't know when to shut up. Also, sorry Iva but I feel like my answers are things we've already spoken about. So, I don't think any of this is new information to you 😩 TL;DR: Dong Sik and Joo Won shouldn't be represented by one aspect of their character. They're more complicated than that. (Including a mundane opinion at the end) (please excuse any weird funny business in this post (writing, grammar, spelling, clarity), we're trying our best here at Lamps HQ)

i. We as a fandom baby Dong Sik too much. I love Dong Sik. I adore him. He has seen and experienced far too many traumas, and I want nothing but good things for him in his future. What happened to him and his family when he was 20 was a tragedy that could have been avoided if the system (which should be in place to aid victims) wasn't systemically corrupt. He was beaten by police officers whilst in custody. He was framed and belittled, degraded, and humiliated. (the trauma he experienced is so layered and would take a lifetime for him to unpack and get closure from).

It almost completely ruined his life and future prospects, and it would have been done if Nam Sang Bae hadn't come in with his lvl 100 guilt and tried to make up for his actions. Dong Sik tried to make the best out of the awful circumstances that befell him and I sincerely admire him. Not everyone is as kind and loving as Dong Sik.... But but but... Buuuuut that doesn't absolve him of his actions. He murdered someone with his bare hands and allowed the system that was once put against him to be used in his favour.

Police officers shouldn't be murdering civilians. full stop. Yes, he was emotionally compromised- technically it could be seen as self-defence, but an unconvicted man, a suspect, was murdered and Dong Sik didn't face repercussions. Nam Sang Bae skewed the evidence so Dong Sik didn't get into trouble. Dong Sik took a year (?) off work after that event and to "help" him recover, Sang Bae got Dong Sik transferred to his substation (which Sang Bae had been demoted to as a result of one of his rookies dying on the job. Although, it wasn't deemed much of a punishment considering he was so close to retiring anyway). All the while, Dong Sik feels justified for his actions (as he did when he moved Min Jeong's fingers). (Screenshots from the translated script book/author's notes doc)

I think it's best that when discussing and exploring Dong Sik's character, we remember that he is a man capable of murder. He is a murderer. (Do I blame him for what he did? No, not really. I can see why he did it. Objectively, I fucking love it for the narrative lol). But yeah, he isn't a guiltless sweet baby angel who never did anything wrong in his life. (DISCLAIMER: obviously jokes are just jokes. I love them and I never want them to stop. I am super guilty of participating in this line of joking and I'm not about to stop any time soon. But when discussing DS in serious conversations, we shouldn't erase his history. By doing that, we are devoiding him of agency and retribution (which is one of the main arcs/themes of his character development)).

ii. Joo Won is autistic and people need to stop calling him stupid. I will die on this hill, I don't care. I fully encourage everyone to bully Joo Won, because, well, he fucking deserves it. I know that bullying him is a hilarious love language the fandom has developed and I fully participate in this pastime. I honestly love it. Yes, he has done a lot wrong and shouldn't be absolved of his sins (that being said, we should allow him the space to learn and grow. We should learn to forgive whilst still keeping him and ourselves in check). But where I draw the line is when people outright laugh at his characteristics/actions which are derived from the fact that Joo Won is coded as autistic.

I know not everyone is going to be particularly versed in neurodivergent symptoms and that is completely fine. I even didn't fully clock Joo Won being autistic the first time I watched the show- I "labelled" his actions as a result of one) his obscenely privileged upbringing and two) the fact that he (imo) has some degree of OCD (which is a type of anxiety disorder). Then it hit me one day that he is soooo autistic. A few examples (I'm too ill to list each one or go into full detail): 1- People say that he's a bad detective. Which, ugh. 2- That he should have seen the "obvious" signs that Dong Sik wasn't the killer earlier. This sentiment completely ignores the timeline of the show and the fact that the viewer is provided information that Joo Won doesn't have access to. And it also removes Dong Sik's accountability for being purposely obtuse and antagonistic. 3- the whole (very minor) narrative that joo won is lame because he has terrible people skills (or something along those lines, I can't quite remember the tags I read as it was a while ago). This one, in particular, ties in with Joo Won's autism coding. With a (relatively sound) understanding of what autism looks like in male adults, to me, it would seem that a lot of what Joo Won does (speaking bluntly, getting easily confused when provided a lot of information during an intense situation, overwhelm, struggling to gauge people's emotions/tone, being very black and white, hyper focussing on a topic of interest, struggling to adapt to new social environments, masking, issues with food and sensory stimulation, etc) can be credited to autism. Perhaps I'm connecting dots that don't exist and am projecting an ideal onto his character, but as someone who grew up with multiple friends and family members who are neurodiverse (and is neurodiverse myself), I can see so many similarities between Joo Won's actions, thought processes, and mannerisms to that of a person with autism.

^ (credit) here is an overview of some characteristics of autism in adults (obviously, it's a complex topic which differs from person to person. But I can definitely connect many of these examples to joo won's character and actions). [I feel like I could say a lot more about this subject, but it would be distracting away from the original point. I have thoughts on Joo Won masking and how he struggles to mask around Dong Sik]

How does this relate to Joo Won being "stupid"? One may ask. I will try to explain it as best I can (even though I don't fully have my answer planned out). Labelling Joo Won as stupid, as a stuck-up nepo baby who did nothing for the storyline, or just a useless dolt that needed Dong Sik to spoon-feed him, completely misconstrues the source material. Joo Won is intelligent, hard-working, determined, stubborn, foolish, annoying, pompous, proud, narrow-minded, snobby, short-sighted, dedicated, loyal, loving, persistent, and perceptible to change (and even more than that). We wouldn't have a story if Joo Won was stupid. We wouldn't have a conclusion if Joo Won was stupid. Downplaying Joo Won's intelligence and chalking up his characteristics as something that makes him less-than does a complete disservice to his character as well as his importance within the story. Beyond Evil is a story with TWO leads. It's not the Dong Sik show. I can NEVER subscribe to the act of bringing one character down in order to hold another up. Dong Sik is not this all-seeing, all-knowing, flawless character. If he was, he would have never been framed for murder, he wouldn't have been stuck for 20 years, and he wouldn't have needed help in uncovering the truth. He needed Joo Won (and Ji Hwa, Jae Yi, Jung Je, Ji Hoon, Du Soo, Sang Bae, etc). Without Joo Won, he may have never found out the full truth of what happened to his sister (as how many people in his life had a part to play in the traumas he faced). So, I think it's about time that people start to recognise Joo Won as a neurodivergent character (and stop giving him a hard time for not seeing signs that WE were given), as well as stop downplaying him. Kim Soo Jin, Sim Na Yeon, and Yeo Jin Goo created such a multi-dimensional, complex, flawed character with good and bad qualities, it does a disservice to their creativity and hard work when one belittles Joo Won down to one descriptor. Dong Sik and Joo Won aren't just the idiot and the downtrodden. They're more than that and fan interpretation shouldn't rewrite the facts of the show.

Anyway... there's a point in there somewhere... I think... I have no idea if I managed to construct a reply that makes sense. I don't think I fully relayed all my thoughts on this particular matter, but we live. tbh, I feel very icky when an autistic character gets labelled as stupid or useless. It gets on my nerves and if it wasn't obvious, I am pretty protective of Joo Won (maybe I shouldn't be, but... well... here we are!). Also, as a note: I don't expect anyone to agree with my opinion that Joo Won is autistic. But yeah, I was going to include more "controversial" opinions for be, but I have already said way too much. This post reads like a rant - which it probably is - and I don't want it to ruffle anyone's feathers. It's not an attack, it's just my opinion.

As for the mundane opinion: iii. kiwis are the scum of the fruit world. They're nasty and a lot of effort to eat (considering they don't taste great), and their texture is gross. But I do think their furry shell is pretty neat, even if it makes my skin cruel. (idk why this was the first thing that came to mind lol)

(sorry Iva. Maybe one day I will learn how to give short answers😂🫣)

[virologikal]

❤,🧡 and 💚 for the ask game!

𝐀𝐬𝐤 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞: 𝐮𝐧𝐩𝐨𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐫 𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 <𝟑

❤: Which character do you think is the most egregiously mischaracterized by the fandom?

Piers Nevans, hands down. Stay with me here.

Let me preface this by saying I am absolutely no Piers hater, nor do I dislike the Chris/Piers ship (in fact, I am very much on the side of letting people do what they want with fictional characters, so "right or wrong" doesn't really exist in fandom to me in the strictest sense).

What I do dislike is how many people seem to brush over the fact that Piers is not an innocent little boy, small cinammon roll can't do nothing wrong. And it's such wasted potential!

Every time I play RE6 I shake my head at how he treats Chris. It's been a little while since I last played it so I will keep my points very superficial for now, but all in all Piers handled Chris' situation absolutely poorly. Does he pull him from his depressed, drunk and traumatized state? Sure. But it is not healthy. It is in no way empathic or even respectful - and that says a lot about him as a character. There was a very possible chance of him re-traumatizing Chris and causing more damage in the process with how he handled things, and I feel like it's often disregarded because he looks up to him.

And he keeps doing it during their mission!

I would absolutely love it if people would lean into that toxicity more instead of acting like he is just a Chris fan. You can do so much with that. Was Piers instructed to act this way / was he pressured to get Chris back to his old self asap? Was he driven by his admiration or maybe even by his ambition? Can we maybe talk about how he thinks he knows Chris just because he admires him, and in the process gets a lot about the man wrong? Was he feeling helpless and lashing out because of that or does he even have some trauma of his own and projects it onto Chris? There are so many ways to make this interesting, but usually I only see them as a soft couple, Piers' actions not being talked about at all and Chris not being taken seriously for the trauma he has been through.

I'd love to go into more detail so if I should do a deep dive into his character, let me know!

🧡: What is a popular (serious) theory you disagree with? I don't know if it is to be considered a serious theory but I will say I don't think Chris and Jill would be a forever couple. I absolutely can see them being together (they were for a time in my current fic, too!), but I feel like the things they went through would cause them to drift apart more than keep them close to each other.

Chris is always on missions, never slowing down to take care of his mental health or working through all the trauma he has been through. He raised Claire, so I feel like he would try to apply what he did with her to Jill, and I don't see Jill wanting to be treated like an injured animal after what she has been through. There is just so much to unpack with them that I think they would be hindering each other in getting better rather than the opposite. It does make for interesting material to write about, though!

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?

Again, I don't think there are any "right or wrong" interpretations of a character and I would never claim to know "better" than others, we're all just playing with fictional dolls here and I think that's awesome.

What I will say though is that I don't agree with the characterization or interpretation of Wesker being mean or an asshole to people prior to the Mansion Incident. I think it's been stated in canon lore that he was actually popular at the R.P.D., and people thought he was "cool" or something to that effect.

But even if you decide to stray from canon lore, I don't think it would make much sense if he was antagonizing people as it would draw too much attention. If you dislike someone, you usually tend to look extra hard if they're doing something wrong or shady so you can get into their business and (in his case) even get them reported or fully removed.

I think he was strict, but never mean as a Captain. He had appearances to uphold, so he would fake being personable, charming, etc. just so he would have one less thing to worry about. The Wesker we see after the Mansion Incident is more true to his real self, I would say. He had no need to keep up his masquerade, and I think the antagonistic way he behaves in Code Veronica and RE5 leads people to believe he always was this way, so I kind of understand the thought process. I just think he is way more intelligent than to draw unnecessary attention :>

[meerawrites]

NINE PEOPLE I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW BETTER

Last Song? Haute and Lipstick Lover by Janelle Monáe because I just saw them live in Toronto. I’m too neurodivergent to pick just one.

Favourite Colour? Again, I’m too neurodivergent to pick just one. Be that as it may, 3 way tie between the bi colours, I’m serious, and black.

Currently Watching? The Newsreader starring Sam Reid and Anna Torv.

Last Movie/TV Show? TURN: Washington’s Spies, yet again.

Sweet/Spicy/Savoury? Sweet.

Relationship Status? Single, uninterested, otherwise occupied by platonic relationships presently and adjusting to college. For the sole reason of I am focusing on unpacking my own trauma right now and though I’m bi and other labels, I’m mostly focused on friendships in college presently and relearning social skills, cause the pandemic destroyed my social skills momentarily. Yes, it’s more than possible to be any spectrum of sexuality and not interested in dating, though, mine is temporary for some it’s not. Still bi though.

Current Obsessions? I accumulate hyper fixations, I’ll pick 4. TURN/the 18th century, Hannibal (all media and NBC), my original characters, the Anne Rice book universe(s) -> I do like some aspects of AMC’s IWTV, but, the book: The Vampire Lestat saved me in Catholic school, so I owe much to that body of literary work.

Last Thing You Googled? Q: When is bi visibility day? A: today, September 23, it came into being in 1999, the word “bi” dates to 1890, if not earlier. Bi manifesto.

Borrowed from: @amberlynnmurdock. 💕

Tagging: @nalyra-dreaming, @grymoria, @justanothermattmercerfanblog, @datekiri, @myfriendgoo94, @malicious-compliance-esq, @dontbesylly, @flower-crowned-lady, & @musicboxmemories (if you want). 💕

[vivalabunbun]

Oh my god Author you did it again. YOU TUGGED ON MY HEARTSTRINGS. THE RECENT FIC. I'M SCREAMING AHHHHHH

Also in regards to your voting poll, I voted plot because you just have a way of storytelling. There was always something to pack and unpack within your fics and it was always about SOMETHING. I just really enjoyed unravelling the 17k word fic (you madlad).

God I actually finished reading it two weeks ago but got swept with so much school work and was too exhausted to write a decent review without sounding scatterbrained. Do you play any instruments? Perhaps the reason why I'm so biased is because piano is something very personal to me and Your Lie in April lives in my mind rent free (childhood friends, oppressive parent, sunshinexgloomy trope *INHALES*)

By the way do you happen to like Mozart? The Marriage of Figaro seems to be very significant to reader and Alhaitham. The only think I recall from my prof about Figaro was that the servants were like being oppressed by the nobles, especially for the women. Then it went to a whole tangent about french revolution and stuff. Unless I am just completely over analyzing things, I just LOVE looking into the deeper meanings and symbolisms. Do correct me if I'm wrong though lol.

Also the pacing was so good. Like switching back and forth between real time and flashbacks. PERFECTION. You're seriously good add keeping the ball rolling when it comes to telling a story.

(lowkey waiting for part 2 if you ever plan to make one because these two deserve it. Also sounds like reader is dealing with some serious asian parenting Lol)

Ahh thank you🥹💕

It’s a silly to admit but I felt a bit discouraged when I posted it bc it was heavy and really long, but for the people that somehow powered through it all it was the fic that made a lot of people reach out to me. That enough was all the encouragement I needed 😭

Yep! I used to play the violin and piano, I played the violin longer but I’ve always enjoyed piano more. I don’t really play much anymore tho.

Mmm I do like Mozart! I’m glad you caught onto that little Easter egg about that song. To me, that play has meaning in the sense that it’s the powerless rebelling against those who hold power.

To me it seemed to fit really well with the reader finally rebelling against her parents. Who dumped a lot of expectations onto her and expected her to carry them out like a servant.

Haha yeah you’re definitely right about the Asian parenting part… I think in a previous ask I answered how this fic comes from complex experiences.

It’s interesting to see how some people can immediately identify the exact trauma the reader is experiencing. Bonding through shared trauma 😭😭

[alyjojo]

Love Reading 💣 - July 2023 - Libra

Singles:

Overall energy: Ace of Swords

How you will meet: 4 Wands

How they will treat you: 2 Cups

Long-term Potential: 2 Wands & Page of Swords

Oracle: You are a child of the universe 💫

This reading is a little different from the others because Ace of Swords shows this being something you need to hear. It’s not about where you meet this person, you could already live with with person. Or did. But you’re on a path to self sabotage & destruction with this Tower, and you need to get clear on your situation, the truth of the matter, so that your scales can balance once again. I’m getting it’s not this person’s fault, but likely a past person’s fault, and this person lives rent free in your head on a loop. Probably due to trauma.

This is about wounding, but right now you have someone who is incredibly passionate about you, and also very much in love. The passion may overshadow the love and make you kinda cringe, or at least I get that vibe, but they do love you. And they see you as everything, their goal in life is to work together with you and create something beautiful. The reading starts with 4 Wands, this person is totally stable, and so are their feelings. King of Cups is someone with a lot of love for you, and they’re a mature person overall, “soothing” even.

So you go from 4 Wands to the long term potential being 2 Wands & Page of Swords. Because of your past, an ex, may not have anything at all to do with them, but you. Your messages have you defensive and spiraling, your person can’t deal with that, or they don’t know how. The past makes you defensive and fearful, because you’ve been hurt by a player or someone unreliable that broke your heart. You may spy on this person or be overly suspicious, while also not offering them love or trust, it’s a cycle you put yourself into that you need to: see the truth (Ace of Swords), cut this toxic cycle out of your psyche & relationship (Justice), and then be vulnerable with your person on how you realize you’ve been…and how you want to change moving forward. You’re just stuck in a loop and refusing help. There is mutual deep love here 💚

Messages -

Their side:

- Soothing Presence

- XXX

Your side:

- Don’t underestimate my potential

- Cannot Handle Reality

- Baby mama/daddy drama

Signs you may be dealing with:

Libra, Scorpio, Aries & Cancer

Couples:

Overall energy: Queen of Cups

Current: The Fool

Challenge: 3 Cups & Page of Pentacles

How they feel about you: The Hierophant

How you feel about them: Ace of Cups

Outcome: Justice rev

Oh boy. Well, you’re probably married, but no longer right? You’ve set that on fire 🔥 it looks like. You’re coming up as King of Swords in this reading, with two Queens, one being absolutely devastated and betrayed. Even Spirit is giving you shit on how this is being handled, thus “Seriously” and Justice rev in the outcome. But, you’re gonna do what you’re gonna do, or you already have.

You go from 0-100 with this new person, which could be part of the problem. If you have kids, it’s like you’re packing up their stuff, your stuff, and just heading over to this new person’s place to unpack. Meet your new Mom kids! It may not be quite that drastic, but that’s how it’s coming out, and probably how it feels to this Queen of Pentacles that has built a whole life around you up to this point. Your new person may know very little about this situation, they come up as Queen of Cups, someone very kind, empathetic, loving, nurturing. They seem to be as clueless about the situation, and your past person is blindsided.

Your challenge is celebrating, making plans together, being public with your relationship, possibly telling friends and wanting to really get involved, but not being fully able to. Cuz you’re married, or may as well have been according to everyone in your circle. For some it’s legal, and that’s a whole process. You’re being very vague about how this very serious relationship ended, dodging accountability and clarity at every turn. Why, well, you know.

How they feel about you is that you’re committed to someone else, so they are aware of the situation, just not deeply. They know what you tell them. They see you fighting off all sorts of people around you, family, friends, your ex, their family, the neighbors, church, dogs, everyone has something to say about this and you’re having to stand up for yourself constantly. How you see them, is a new beginning in love, working together to create the life of your dreams…yet your messages don’t really seem like that’s true. Maybe it’s what you know they want, not what you actually want. Libras have a tendency to play that “role”, then get stuck. Outcome for July is an unfair, unbalanced, probably continuing chaotic situation that you feel you just need a break from. It’s possible you’re acting as if everyone is against you (which they do seem to be), and cutting them all off one by one because you’re done hearing about it. It’s an emotionally cold way to be, but you feel like this is all necessary. It could also be an illness pops up with you, that forces you to take a time out. Phone off. You’re removed from emotion right now. Messages indicate it’s because you don’t actually have any of the long-lasting kind…could just be something to keep in mind. What do you really want? A time out could be the best thing for you.

Messages -

Their side:

- You’re everything I’ve ever dreamed of.

- Telling the Truth

Your side:

- I love the way you look at me.

- This was only temporary for me.

Oracles -

Seriously 😒

Their side: You can be a caregiver and a rescuer, but be sure you’re your own caregiver first.

Your side: When you’re ill, ask your angels to help you, and visualize yourself being well.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Cancer, Gemini, Virgo, Capricorn, Aquarius & Libra